Marjchaos

Okay. There seems to be a lot of confusion. I have an analogy.

Say, you are a vegetarian. Maybe you never liked meat, maybe you did and changed your mind, maybe you don’t eat meat for ethical or spiritual reasons. Whatever the reason, meat is off the table. Right out. You are a vegetarian, and you do not need people giving you crap about it. This is like a sexual orientation.

Now, say you love olives. They are your absolute favorite, and you like to have them as often as possible, included in as many meals as is feasible. You can enjoy food without olives, but you really really like olives. This is like a kink. It’s something you love, but really it’s just a preference, not an orientation.

Now, my sweet vegetarian olive-lover, say you cannot eat food without salt on it. No, this isn’t a medical thing, this is your own personal little psychological hang-up, but you cannot fathom consuming anything that does not have salt on it. The very idea just makes your appetite vanish. This is like a fetish. Where something that is not integral to the experience has become inexplicably entwined into it to such an extent that you cannot keep the concepts separate. This is a minor mental illness, a fetish, not an orientation.

Now the thing about kinks and fetishes, is that they are not innate or immovable. They are built by your life experiences and your life experiences can change them, going more extreme or maybe in another direction altogether. With kinks and fetishes, if they do not harm or bother you (and are not harmful for anyone else) you may feel inclined to indulge them. That is a viable option. However, if they are harmful, or they upset or bother you, they, like many other behavioral issues can be worked on. Now, when I say mental illness or behavioral issues, I am not actually shaming anyone. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of. At all. Ever. There is also no shame is seeking help, or even finding ways to help yourself.

To sum up. Enjoying sexy boots during sex is not an orientation. Do not compare it to homosexuality. Needing to be tied up or you can’t get an erection is not an orientation. Do not compare it to homosexuality. If you enjoy your fetish or kink and it harms nobody (not even little girls who live halfway across the world whose name you will never know), and you are comfortable with it, then please, enjoy it. If your fetish or kink harms anyone, or makes you feel bad, then know it does not have to be a permanent part of you.